Sunaseth's LJ

4:07pm: fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuck
DRAMATIC UPDATE SEQUENCE INITIATE

Update: so far nothing has really changed. I'm still sitting around at home waiting on something or another, I'm still without internet, and I still think things could be better. I've moved a while ago, the new house is just as destroyed as the old one was, and I can't wait to get out.

I've got all the time in the world to waste and it's really bothering me. I don't know what I want out of life, I don't really like myself right now, and I feel unmotivated.

This is what happens when you are forced to do next to nothing for most of your time. Being lazy is nice, but being forced to be lazy sucks bawls.

Speaking of which, I might have just solved a problem that's been plauging me for weeks... so... victorious moment, or something? Ah well, even if it's not worth a victorious moment, I'm taking it now, so hah! *does a stupid little dance*

DRAMATIC BLAGOBLOG UPDATE SEQUENCE FINISH

whew, all that being dramatic sure takes it out of you...

4:11pm: Woo.
31

STOLEN FROM GRAH.

9:03pm: I gots dragons!






It's your fault if they die. Yes, you. Reading this. CLICK ON THEM NAO!

1:33am: Well, fuck.
I've been... meme'd. In the face. Twice. My poor, poor snout... it's all bruised up from being meme'd in the face like this. p..q How could you people do this to me?!? *cries*

Anyways, yah, whatever, here it is.

1. I actually somewhat prefer talking to Grah online over talking on the phone, but I always feel best when hearing hir voice on the phone. It makes me so happy to hear hir voice. n..n

2. OMFG IT'S MY ANNIVERSARY TODAY WOOTZORZ! *makes a cake that is so delicious and moist, and, most importantly, true*

3. I'm very cautious with spending money, but if I have it and somebody asks I don't think twice about handing it over. I do make hell if they don't repay me, though, which may be why I don't mind it.

4: PENIS.

4 (truthfully): I play Magic the Gathering and love it, but there are like... two people I know that even know what it is anymore. u..u Not counting online friends of course.

5: PEEEENIIIIIISSSS!!! ...I haz it. *smacks self* Anyways, yeah, I think lolcat pictures are funny. Even the ones that suck. If it has a cat, and a caption, then it makes me giggle. It's my only weakness. Really.

6: My other only weakness is Grah's massive penis. *smacks self again* I liek smacking myself. *does it one more time* Anyways, getting on with things, my favorite pop is Dr Pepper.

7: I had a ribbed penis in my past life. ...*flinches as I think I'm going to smack myself, but this part is actually legit so I don't* Whew... n..n Anyways, yeah...

(bonus!) 8: I'll bet you all can't guess what I've got on my mind right now? :P

And now for the fun part. tagging.

I tag Salaiek, Jacarath, Fooby the Kamakaze Watermelon (He has an LJ, I swear! >..>), Grahckheuhl, Usshun (but I went back in time for this one, and have thus altered the past and made a rather pointless time continoum thingamawhatzit), Draikk, and Maru. And since one of my tags doesn't exist (three guesses which), I'll tag my evil twin, Htesanus. But the bastard refuses to do memes anyways, so it's a moot point.

12:23am: Writings...
Pfeh, it's too fucking late for me to be up but I'm going through a bout of random insomnia. So here, have a clipping from a story that I would like to have but will never get done. It's based from an RP Draikk and I are in, granted about a generation or two in the future... It's loosely based on the ideas from the start of it, and future events in the RP will have no effect upon this story, if I ever do get around to typing more... anyways, here goes.



The young dragoness gazes into the water, seeing her own reflection. Blue eyes gaze from an emerald-scaled head, the pupils slit rather like a cat's eye... but they are dull from weariness. She has been running, only fear spurring her on, but the mad dash has taken it's toll upon the dragoness. She dips her snout into the water, taking a drink, deeply, ears perked for any noise she might hear.

Her wing lies off to her side, crooked and useless, a large chunk of the membrane torn out, still bleeding. The wound is filled with dirt, rocks, and other detritus from her mad dash. Though the reflection of the water is broken, the reflection of the dragoness's mind remains clear.

Times are different for the Satranean now... No more is it like her father's stories, when times were peaceful and the land lush. The Se'tha, along with a group of barbaric humans, even a few half-breeds launched a joint attack upon Sh'ithar, the grand capital of the Satranean. The grand city had been spared, but at the cost of many, many lives. No longer do only the Crystal Guards have armor, it is a common occurance to spot a Satranean sporting full body armor.

Cly'na was too young for armor, and therefore had to be much more cautious about how she went out. But she had been careless, thinking that she would be faster than any Se'tha. But speed did not help her, for she had been unwary and too focused on her hunting. The Se'tha had attacked her, swiping at her wing, almost taking it off entirely, but she had managed to swipe at it's throat and gouge it's flesh deeply, killing the Se'tha. It had not been alone, but fear urged Cly'na on and she outran it's companions. She knew that it would be only a matter of time before they tracked her down again, and had no choice but to keep moving.

Carefully, she took her muzzle from the pool of water, and looked around. A good day's walk would see her in the city of Sh'ithar, where she could seek refuge from her attackers. Cly'na grasped her necklace, and clutched the warm crystal pendant it held. It resonated with her power, and a faint memory of her mother came to her mind. She drew strength from it, and tried to calm herself as best she could. She started to walk at a brisk trot, to the east. To safety.




Like I said, it's something that I'd like to do, but am too lazy to do, but I have insomnia and needed to write this, so I did. Enjoy it.

8:33am: Meh...
I read some of Jacarath's older entries just now since I got around to adding him... And it made me think.

I would like to start browsing some forums again, but I always just lurk, I never say anything... And on one forum I used to use I never really associate it with happy memories, even though it was the forum I met Grah on. I always associate it with embarrassment. But when I think about it, I guess it was more the fact that I was so young at the time, I didn't know any better. Pfeh, that was two-ish years ago, how much those years have changed me. I was a child at fourteen, and now... Well, I'm not going to say I'm an adult, nowhere near it. But... I've grown quite a lot.

Such an early time in the morning for such thoughtful thoughts. Yes, I'm saying that, too. I can remember the word that is proper for what it is, it starts with a 'p' and escapes me at the moment.

I really don't think much about my past life anymore. I guess it's because I'm satisfied with my current life. The only thing that kept me going before Grah and I were mated was the thought of my mate from my past life, Seltare. I remember a lot about my life as a dragon, but I haven't been remembering anything else lately. I don't even know if I really care about it that much anymore, asides from it giving me part of my identity.

Mmmh, this ramble is done for now... I'll post again later or something.

8:17am: Borrowed from Maru and Lyk

What Sunaseth Means

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way. And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life. You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

1st paragraph: Good, it's right on. o..o But I only crush the weak when it comes to friendly competition and video games, and I'm always nice and giving improvement tips afterwards. And it's never really 'crushing', more of just 'winning'. o..o

2nd paragraph: Uhhm, sure, I'm lucky a lot, but I'm also unlucky a lot. It really goes both ways. And, yes, I'm very greedy, which is why you're not allowed to share my luck. IT'S MY LUCK YOU CAN'T HAVE IT GRR! @..@

3rd thinger: This one is actually spot on. It's very frightening. o..o;

4th blah: Well, I try. n..n But WTF is a 'type A personality'? Everyone I've seen taking this test has had that. o..o'Is there any other type? Can I have a type B or O personality? Maybe even an AB?

5th omgwtfbbq: This is really scaring me how accurate it is. o..O

6th woohoo: *is very scared now*

7th hrzlblegh: I hope this one is true, I'm not sure... But, yes, I'm selfish. Very selfish. I hoard a Grah all to myself. o..o Actually, when it comes down to it, I'm selfish inside but overpower it and share anyways because I'm nice.

3:51pm: grr
Mum decided to barge into my room yesterday and dig around on my computer for no apparent reason whatsoever. I don't know if she found anything bad or not, but today...

Today I had the reassuring comment "You are so busted, Matt. *demonic smile*". Yeah, that really settled my nerves to hear that... *shivers* I hope that she didn't find anything too terrible... Otherwise I will have a hard time explaining myself. At least... at least then I wouldn't have to be keeping secrets anymore. But... I don't know if that would be a good thing.

3:20pm: Woo!
Grah's back online. Well, shi has been for a while but nobody else has posted it so I felt that I should! Besides, it affects me the most so hah! Well, maybe it affects Grah more, but still!

No need to say I'm still completely ecstatic about it all. *grins deviously*

7:04am: no subject
I miss Grah... a lot. I keep telling myself I won't let myself mope around and be depressed, but it's kinda hard.

I know I shouldn't mope around about it... but I feel kinda bad. Like maybe I was taking hir constant presence for granted. I never thought shi would lose hir connection like this. Even if it's only temporary...

I guess I should just be patient and try to not let it get to me that much... at least not so much that my mood is affecting everything else I do, making me not want to do much of anything at all...

3:44pm: Secrets long kept...
Should I reveal my secrets about myself, or not? That is my decision I am facing right now.

For admitting that I am bi... I'm nowhere near ready to face it with my family, and I still have two years worth of putting up with them to do. I suppose it would be best to make sure those two years are as good as possible.

At school, well, I am very close to coming out. I know two others that are bi... unfortunately they are both female so the question is... would my 'coming out' be recieved differently? Perhaps even negatively?

And for admitting about me being otherkin... well, after thought, it wouldn't be that much of a stretch for my school friends. They already know that I like dragons a lot, this would merely be the reason why to them. But... something inside of me cautions against it. I always trust my gut feelings, they usually turn out to be right.

And, again, my family won't hear until I'm 18. Sucks to be them.

*shrugs* I have been thinking of this for quite some time, but a secret revealed cannot be taken back. So... I don't know what to do.

1:30pm: STOLEN!!! From somebody. Three guesses who.
Reply to this post, and I will list three things I love about you. Maybe more than three. Then repost to your own journal and spread the love.

1:29pm: *lays down, sighing*
They finally got around to blocking meebo at my school. Fortunately, e-mail and youtube aren't blocked yet, so I can still have good music and e-mails when the work gets too tedious. Hell, I get the stuff for the day done fast, anyways, so I usually just quit for the day after getting the assingments done. I don't work ahead like most others do, because I know from experience I can catch up easily.

So... Draikk, Maru, Carn, Usshun, and a few others who are on at that time perhaps once every other week or so... Yeah, now I won't be able to talk with them as much.

Fuck.

*listens to music and types a bunch of e-mails*

EDIT: After reading my friend's page, I see that every entry for the past... week or so, I think... is a bad entry. With bad news in it. Is that what this is reduced to? The place we go to for bad news?

I'm going to have to start ending my entries with a positive note.

Like I'm going to the library today, it's a nice light rain outside, just how I like it, and Grah was happy when we talked last night. Asides from Meebo getting blocked, everything is doing wonderfully for me.

Although I am still a bit irratated that the school actually got their asses in gear about the one thing that is a disservice to me. While we still got all the teachers here that go at a snail's pace over things multiple times, even though the entire class is obviously bored out of their minds... and the shitty lunches. But they accomplished one thing, at least! That's good, right!? *sighs*

1:17pm: An update
Wow, that's two days in a row I've updated. I'm on a roll, I guess.

Yeah, I felt kinda bummed yesterday but when Grah called I just felt... wonderful. I needed to hear hir voice more than anything...

So, yeah, I'm feeling better now. And that's good.

1:42pm: Stuff of stuffliness.
One of my friends got a new CD. This happens all the time, but this time is actually unique in the fact that the CD he got was Sonata Arctica's newest album, Unia.

Naturually, I borrowed it and put it on my MP3 player. I'll have to give it back later today, but it's there.

It's Grah's H-day today... I was betting on hir to celebrate it today, but it turns out shi celebrated yesterday. So I could've been at the library today and still managed to "talk" with hir. Ah well, hearing hir voice will be wonderful too.

I feel a bit down because I didn't pressure my mum enough to get an envelope and stamps so that I could get Grah's letter through the mail Friday. In fact, she still hasn't gotten the envelope and postage. ...I also feel terrible for not being able to get hir anything nice for hir hatchday. Or even anything semi-nice. Or anything at all. Except for my most recent school picture, but... eh, whatever. I shouldn't be feeling bad about it, Grah didn't even want anything, asides from me. So that's what I'll give hir. A big, red, scaly pile of me.

*yawns* Not enough sleep last night, and I'm worn thin with stress and stuff. My cousin is staying over, he is thinking of moving in. With that extra income, we can get the internet at my house again. If my mum'll stop bitching him out all the time, and try being a little more reasonable. I swear to god, if she bitches at him enough to piss him off enough to get him to move out, there will be hell to pay.

And about that job I was telling everyone I would get? Yeah, they haven't gotten back to me, and it's been a week and a half. I give up hope that I'll get a job there. ...I guess it's going to be the same as last year. Except this year the money was supposed to get me a liscense and perhaps even a car, and start a fund to visit Grah with. So much for that.

Love is my anchor, the thing that keeps me from drifting off and being lost... Love is all I feel I have left, sometimes.

...Ah, I'm just letting my dissapointment get to me. I'll be fine, after Grah calls me tonight. And until then, I just have to keep distracted so that I don't let my mood get to me. Really, it's just dissapointment and tiredness...

Bell rang, so yeah...
-Suna

3:57pm: I've got the magic touch.
Yeah, I guess that's the best way to describe. Mum couldn't start the truck today, and I asked to try. Soon as I did, well... the stupid thing fired right up.

Asides from that, nothing really spectacular lately.

Well, at least I only have to wait until Tuesday to come back here again.
-Suna

8:04pm: Well, I was happy to be at the library, then my damned dad showed up and ruined it all. I wish my uncle wouldn't have told him I was here, but he did and nothing can change that.

He was drunker than hell, and he decided it was the perfect time to hug me every two seconds. Geh...

Fortunately it didn't last too long. Only bad part was the fact that he made me lose forty-five minutes worth of time online. I was rather aggravated, to say the least.

Mmm... geez, school will make things so much simpler. I won't have to come to this town anymore, I can go to the other town where my school is... and go to the library there, where my dad can't get to me. Thank god...

I hope I never have to see him again...

"I was raised from a broken seed..."

That's how the song "Broken" starts out. By Sonata Arctica, it's not nearly as depressing as the title would suggest. Check it out, if you have the time.

Anyways, until I'm on again, I suppose this is all from me.

Except for my undying, infinite, and altogether pretty wonderful love for Grah.

...Personally, I need to stop eating more than one brownie at a time... they get me SOOOOO hyper.
-Suna

1:18pm: I love music.
Yes I do, I love music. Music is nice. Especially "Weballergy" by Sonata Arctica.

For those of you who know me, yes, I'm obsessed with that band. Get over it. Sonata rocks! *jams*

...Oh, I wish I could see them live... I would love that...

Of course, I would hopefully have Grah at my side, and all. Maybe see Grah live, too. If you get the idea... *wink*

Asides from my love of Grah, and my love of music, there's nothing really worth mentioning.

Oh, I fixed the handlebars on my bike. And I check them everytime before I use my bike. So... yeah.

And thank Grah for that little mood icon at the bottom of my entry. *grins*

And because Draikk made me... How do I shot web? It's such a question, how do I shot web. It's a very confusing query, the likes of which none can match. How do I shot web? If I knew that, then it would solve all of the worlds problems. And if you find yourself confused, then I'll just say one word. Okay, more than one, but eh. It's a typo from a Spider-man comic. Go figure.
-Suna

Edit: Oookay... mum picked me up, we went to the store so I could get school supplies, then she dropped me off here again. Wow.

7:56pm: Personally, that deserves the award for creativity. But eh.

First topic... I MISS GRAH!!!! Like bad. Of course, I always do, when we're not together...

I really need to stop losing my anger...

I also really need to fix the handlebars on my bike. I almost got steamrolled by a Ford F-250 because of it. x..x

Not much time for much more... too busy online, I suppose, with not enough time to do everything. I feel like a horrid friend, actually... I barely even talk with the rest of my friends, or even my brothers, and when I do, well, hey, I don't even feel like I can call it talking have the time. Maybe I should slow down a bit on all the stuff I want to do and focus more on others...

But then how will I get what I want done? *sighs* Not having internet and having almost all of my friends being IM-based is the worst...

Ah well, at least I have this.
-Suna

p.s. This time, I'm not going to say that nobody comments, and see if someone does! I'm almost at evil genius level today, it seems. Wahaha!

6:51pm: Whee.
Yeah, schools going to start again soon. Thank the gods.

Which means I'll be sending e-mails almost every day, again. Wahaha!

And I also have DDR to look forward to.

I'd make this longer but nobody ever comments, so I guess I'll just make it short and sweet so I don't waste anyone's time.

2:03pm: Because Grah did it... as usual.
div align="center" style="margin-bottom:5px; font-size:12px;" nowrap>I am 60% Video Game Addict.
</div>Video games are a big portion of my life, maybe too big of a portion. They are not a means of social interaction, despite what I might think. I should just go outside.</div>

It's not true! I don't have a problem! I just have nothing better to do with my time!

Really.

>..> *hides*

*and then comes out to kill HTML tags that won't work*

6:12pm: Stress.
Yep, stress, a lot of it lately. ...Well, I've always been putting up with stress, ever since mum left dad when I was six. I just never really realized how much it affected me, even when I had to go through anger management for three years. Yeah, little known fact, I used to have a problem with my anger. And when I get stressed, it really starts to show again, although I still keep it under control it is there...

I've never talked about my past much... Not my past of this life. My others, perhaps, but not this one.

I'm sure I've told everyone that I lived through a divorce, but not about living through having to watch my mum be abused and all... and also I lived through being driven around by my father when he's almost passed out from drunkeness, which seems to be a greater accomplishment. I'm surprised he never crashed... which it's good he didn't, I had no carseats or seatbelts, and would've been killed more likely than not.

I don't like talking about my past, it brings up painful emotions. But Draikk said that it's better to confront ones emotions and starting at the source of everything seems to be best.

Mum was the one to take me and leave, actually... I didn't understand what was going on at the time. But now that I'm older... well, I understand now. My father had, the night before, held her at gunpoint. I had been asleep, fortunately... and he had came to my tee-ball game with my niece and nephew, enough beer in his system to kill a bull elephant. Mum took them and me, and left.

From then on, we were close to impoverished. My niece and nephew were returned to my oldest brother and his wife, and I still didn't get why we had to go sleep at a church that night. I do now, but... well, back then I didn't.

...For now, this is all the time I have to type... but we lost quite a few apartments over the years, and barely missed being homeless twice. The house we have now seems to be the one we'll keep for a decent amount of time, mum's friend doesn't bitch about rent at all. Doesn't even mind that we're a thosand in the hole, just as long as we try to pay.

When looking at one's future, visiting the past can often be helpful...

For now, that is all I've got time for.

I miss you, Grah...
-Suna

3:57pm: Fuck up of the century.
Yep, that's me, today. Looks like not only was I too scared, to afraid, to ask some seven year olds to stop standing behind me, so that I wouldn't have to censor my chatting, but I also went and got cocky that I wouldn't get in trouble with the system. And, like always when one gets cocky, I got burned by the fire that I had grown so accostumed to leaping over. I always kept cutting it closer and closer, everytime I came here, and I cut it too close today. Three out of four numbers I had are now blocked. The only one left is my own, and I already used it today for the maximum amount.

Yep, I fucked up. ...Oh well, people fuck up. Even people with dragon souls. It just happens. Hindsight is always 20-20, or so they say.

And I learned a lesson, I'll start from scratch and rebuild a system of card numbers, ones from family so it's not as easily detected. And so that if they get blocked, I can have the family member who owns that number come and unblock it.

Fuck... I'm burning up with rage and near depression at the same time. Two different, opposite emotions within me, perhaps I can use them to get what I need.

Perhaps I'm two different souls in one body, able to feel like this. Part of me is pissed, the other just wants to curl up. But I will not let this get to me, this is but a small problem that I have to overcome. It just seems like so much more, robbing me of the small amount of time I get with everyone here.

Madness has a reason... but what reason? Oh well, it's not my place to speculate the reasons behind everything. What I must do, what I must concern myself with the next few days, is getting a hold of more numbers I can use. And trying not to kill those who get in my way...

Anger... sadness... shouldn't the two conflict? Oh well, I can handle this.

I'm rambling... too little sleep, too many emotions. Still hoping that I can get another number and snag a few final minutes before my visit here is done.

Well, until then, I guess I'll have to stay on the no-card computers.

Until I return...
-Suna

1:44pm: Blah.
Well... was supposed to be on Saturday.. had the damned library not decided to close for renovations, or whaterver. They put new furniture in, and it took two days. Uncle got laid off, which is why I'm on during a weekday.

...Asides from that, Grah's not on and I really wanna hear from hir... I miss hir so much.

And.. for the hatchday, I got a PS2 (after four years of waiting...), Lara Croft Tomb Raider: Legends, thirty bucks from Grah, ten bucks from my uncle (cheapass) and one hundred dollars from my sis in law in Georgia (she owed it to me anyways...).

So, it was pretty good. I also got massively buzzed on cake and ice-cream, which was great. Cinnamon swirl cake, with French Vanilla ice-cream. I love mashing the cake up and mixing it with the ice-cream, some people don't but I certainly do. And the cinnamon swirl cake was surprisingly good, I had never tried it before but I'm sure I'll have to get some more mix for it now.

Anyways... Love you, Grah. Miss everyone still, can't wait until I can get the internet again. Until then... well, hopefully I'll catch my friends online while I'm at the library.

-Suna

6:12pm: Bleh.
I have extra time, so I moved downstairs to avoid detection, but they block chatting downstairs! WTF?

I'm pissed off at this but I am still glad to have had what time I did.

I miss everyone, badly...

And, not much to update with so, yeah...

*attempts to use the scroll wheel to scroll down and hit the "update" button* AHHH! There's no scroll wheel on this mouse! My god, this is horrid! I can't scroll the lazy way!! *has a mental breakdown*